Monday, 15 September 2008

• early

  my sleeping pattern is messed up i think.
  after three consecutive mornings of waking up before 8am, it's caused a change in my sleeping habits. even though i fell asleep at 3 and i'm mad tired right now, i can't fall back asleep. i'm pretty sure it's also because i have a million things running through my mind right now.
  
  anyways, before i go off into emofest 2008, can i just say that summer retreat was awesome. i had a blast. mad props to core & everyone else who helped make it happen. i really needed the weekend to retreat from the pressures of moving and motp & just spend some time with my logFam & most especially Him. i've really missed Him and it was just beautiful to be able to spend time with him, especially in such a beautiful place. i love that retreat has been at lake jennings for the past 3 years, because it sparks such great memories from past retreats, but there's always room for new memories during each retreat. and there were quite some memorable times shared this past weekend.
  
  so, pelican bay will be officially locked up on friday. i'm pretty sure i'm surpressing a lot of emotions. i can't believe a week from now, i'm going to be waking up at home. with no awesome roommate (well, except my parents and grandma). in buena park. i know irvine's not far, but it's certainly not like being here. having the ability to say "hey ____, wanna have lunch?" or "_____, let's go to buffalo exchange." even "i'm freaking bored, ____. wanna come over and be bored with me?" i know it's not goodbye forever. and i know there's so much to look forward to at this point. but still, i'm very sad to leave this place.
  
  got an anon. comment on my last post:
  "what i'm saying is, you seem to be forcing change too much. change does need a push, but don't overdo it"
  i'm not really sure who that is, but it seems like i'm supposed to know who it is. i have a feelings, but sometimes i can be really off on intuition. it's probably someone really close to me, i'm just not aware. anyways, i think it's true. i'm forcing change, because frankly, parts of my life right now need change. because if i don't push harder, things will stay the same way that they have been for the last few years. and i can't keep living my life like that. it's putting a strain on so many different things. i'm really thankful for whoever wrote this, because it seems like you're just watching out for me. and i know i don't always know what i'm doing, but i really need to make a change. but i hope i'm not over doing it either. i've been seeing moving home and other things going on in my life, as the new chapter in my life. because, it's a big change. there's no way that things will be the same. i'm not saying EVERYTHING is going to change, because everything won't. but things are definitely going to be different.
  
  i'm blabbering. next topic:
  
  i've got a crazy few weeks ahead:
  - pick up contacts today
  - finishing packing, for the move out on friday
  - contacts follow up tomorrow
  - mass on the plaza practices galore
  - wisdom teeth extraction on wednesday
  - trying to enjoy my last days in irvine (but it seems unlikely)
  - finding time to go to the doctor for my ankle/eye-twitch
  - fixing my room at home, because it looks like a warzone in there
  - welcome week & first meeting
  
  i'm really looking forward to new york in october. i can't wait.
  
  you look so dumb right now. srsly.
  
  since i can't really fall back asleep right now, might as well start my day early.
  
  bye.
  
  
  

  • 8:27 AM
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